As I was sitting and talking to Papa the other day about the journey that I have been on the past three years, I started to realize that there was a lot more to share than what I already have. I started to read my journals and also remember some of what happened in the months before I was pregnant.
I will share the following journal entry, almost exactly as it was written in my journal. I wrote this on December 27th, 2013. According to calculations, I got pregnant somewhere between Christmas and New Years.
I think most of you know the American Christmas Classic known as "A Christmas Story," if not, either you are not from America or you are a lot younger than me or you missed out on a vital part of the American experience... I wrote this after watching it with Curtis on Christmas day.
"There is a scene in this movie that I've watched many times before and never really thought much of, but when I watched it this time, it struck a chord and brought me to tears.
The scene is Christmas morning. The boys have just opened a heap of wonderful gifts and Ralphie sits peacefully with his parents. He didn't get the very thing that he had longed for, hinted at, pined over that season but yet he still has a surprising peace about him. His dad asks him if he got everything he wanted for Christmas and he says 'almost.'
Then the dad says 'Wait a minute! What's over there in the corner?' Ralphie turns and then he sees it, it had been sitting there all along. He runs over to see a package resembling exactly the gift that he had asked for!
Then it strikes me. The delight on the father's face when he opened the gift. He waited till the very last minute to give him what he wanted, but he was filled with joy and delight as he watched his son open this gift. He probably even experienced a great deal more joy than even Ralphie did.
This very obviously flawed earthly father, who seems almost villainous at times during the movie does something so beautiful. He simply delights in giving his child exactly what he wanted. It made me think, doesn't our Father in heaven do the same. But sometimes he waits, he gives us many other good gifts first and sometimes what he gives us isn't exactly what we asked for, but it's always what's best and he always, always, always takes delight in seeing us unwrap them!"
I had no idea that he would soon form in my body the very gift that I had been begging him for. In all honestly I did feel that something good was coming. I really wanted to believe that we would have a child by next Christmas as we had asked of Him so many times this season. But I was afraid to hope. And the hope that I did have was for adoption. I really never expected that in less than a month I would be holding a positive pregnancy test and in less than six months I would be reflecting on this in such a way.
There isn't much more to say. He gives good gifts. I am so undeserving of this beautiful gift. The kicks, the life I feel blooming inside of me is priceless and a feeling I was not sure would ever be mine. What a precious precious gift it is indeed.
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| The icing on the cake! I really really wanted a girl! |
