Unless a grain of wheat...

It says in John 12/24 “Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.” I must constantly be reminded of this. I needed to do this to make the decision to come overseas and I continually need to do this.

In verse 25 of the message it says “Anyone who holds onto life just as it is destroys that life.” In other versions it says “Whoever loves his life loses it.” Well, I was doing just that. I loved my life too much. I had plans. I saw my life going a certain way. But G*d made me realize through a lot of pain and struggle that he wants to do something bigger with my life. He was stretching me and changing me and I thought “why am I feeling this way?” I pleaded with him to change me and he said in his still soft voice, “I am.” I finally let go and gave it to him. It was extremely painful and freeing to let go.

What was I doing? I was counting the cost. Contemplating the ways that I wanted life, the things that are better back at home, the difficulty of being away from family and friends. Paul says in Philippians that we should count our lives as nothing. I wasn’t doing that. My life was something to me. It was important, but what I didn’t understand is that it is important to G*d too, that is why he is challenging me so! Because he knows that if I hold onto the scraps of what I want out of life, I will never get the treasure that he has for me.

These are the things that I was holding back from G*d. What are you holding back? How are you counting the cost of serving him?