Postpartum Body Image Ramblings

My body is different now. It would be nice if the pregnancy weight just melted off and I was back down to the size I was when I became pregnant. But honestly, I have never thought about my body the way I do now. It feels so good to not worry about it for once and not to feel guilty about going weeks months without an intentional "workout."

I sometimes look at myself and think that I would like to start working out and don't want to let myself go. I never look at myself and feel disgusted, to be completely honest, I feel pretty impressed with what my body has done! I felt so good after I gave birth to my sweet girl, especially since I did it without any drugs. I felt like I had just run a marathon and I feel that without a doubt I could do it again and actually hope to.

I am amazed at how beautifully my milk has come in and feel so blessed to have never had a problem with supply. So many women have problems for unknown reasons and for some reason my body produces milk wonderfully. I am amazed when I see my baby that has more than doubled in weight, just from eating the milk that comes out of my body! What a beautiful image of what our female bodies were made to do.

I feel a kind of beautiful that for many years I wasn't sure I would ever feel! Sure, I have the desire to get back on the bike or jump into the pool and start losing weight. It feels good to be healthy and exercise produces endorphins that are so good for my mind and spirit as well as my body.

I guess I just realize that I have a very different body image now than I did before. My body was made to provide life for my baby, not just to look pretty.

So although I will still try to make my body look good by exercising, eating a healthy balanced diet and doing all of the other things a woman does to make herself look nice, I will never look at my body the same again. I will always see it as a source of life, and a beautiful tool that God has given me to nourish that life.

People often say that pregnant women have a glow, but in all honesty I did not feel it at all when I was pregnant. I do however feel like I am glowing now. It's a glow that I have never felt before, not one that comes from nicely tanned skin, a perfect diet or a disciplined workout schedule. It comes from a joy deep within me, something that I sought after for years. It's finally mine and I never really knew how badly I wanted it. Sure those old feelings of insecurity creep back up at times, but I have been amazed at how secure I feel in my body, despite it's appearance since having my baby.

So I will cherish this time and enjoy the way that I feel about my body right now. I am after all a woman. Feelings change so quickly. But I would like to look back and remember this feeling. It's life giving and a good reminder of what our bodies were made for. And of course, when the time is right, I will have time to work out again and to put some effort into making my body look the way that I want it to look. But for now, I am going to focus on using it to give life to my daughter and allow that to breath life into my spirit as well.